Archery is fun!

Archery was just as fun as I had dreamed it would be! And more!

A and I attended our Couples Archery class on Friday night at the Archery Bow Range Chicago. (Do not be afraid of Humboldt Park. It is not as scary as you think it is.) We had a lovely little fight on the way there because I hate being late and he doesn't, among other topics of discord. But we made it. I have to say, it was the first date we have been on that we had to sign a waiver for. I will make a prediction: It won't be the last.

I am signing a waiver. #1rule: don't shoot anyone.

There were seven couples at the class. I was surprised at how popular it was! But never again will I underestimate the huge drawing power of archery. What I loved about it was there was very little verbal instruction. You just started shooting after about 2.3 minutes of explanation. The hardest thing was figuring out if you were righty or lefty. (Hint: it isn't about your hands! It is about your eyes.)

Both A and I are left. A is truly ambidextrous. His brain gets all confused about right/left stuff so it takes him a little longer to catch on. Here is a video of A shooting. We both did well but I have a little Katniss gene I think.

This was my 5th turn shooting. 

We both got HUGE archery hickey/bruises on our right inner arms from the string hitting. Mine isn't as bad as A's. He has sensitive skin.

Archery makes such a badass sound. THWACK when the arrow slams into the target. The soft whizzing of the arrows in the air. The group we were with was pretty quiet too. The lady standing next to me was having a little trouble and kept almost hitting me in the eye with her bow. The bows were cool. They were composite and A and I shared a yellow one, which made our transition each turn easier. We are totally signing up for the next level, which I believe is Adult Training (I should offer some marketing services in exchange for lessons. Bad name.) A had such a good time, he is totally on board with more archery and with going to a gun shooting range soon.

I don't think I can hit a squirrel through the eye yet, but I am well on my way to learning this important apocalypse skill.

B and E

I wanted to learn how to pick locks. It seemed like a good skills for the apocalypse. But then my imminently sensible boyfriend asked why I didn't just learn how to break down doors. This actually makes a lot more sense. I applaud this logic.

But before this break through, I was talking to my mom about the whole thing. She was a social worker for 40 years and she knows amazing things. Things that would blow your mind. So, when I told her I wanted to get some lock-picking tools, she told me that if you are stopped by the police in Illinois with tools for breaking and entering, they consider that probable cause (we aren't lawyers, don't over think it) and will arrest you. Wow! I had no idea. That seems very unfair, considering you can pick a lock (a bad lock) with a credit card. Being me, this really makes me want to get some lock-picking tools. I am not who the police are looking for. Ever. I could make a very convincing case for needing the tools for this blog. I really just don't like that I can't learn a skill and use my discretion in how to use it. Perhaps that seems naive. It does. I know. But knowing how to hot wire a car would be a great skill and I wouldn't use it to steal a car, but rather to save my life post-apocalypse. I am adding that skill to my list. I wonder if my mechanic would show me how? Hmmm....

Kentucky Apocalypsey Dream World

So a thing that happened last week is that I had to go to Louisville. Kentucky! For a week! It was exactly like it sounds: Apocalyptic.

Let me give you an example.

I do the Foursquare thing (don't judge me! I like social media.) and when I checked in at the convention center that would eat the next 120 hours of my life, the "tip" that showed up was, "Try to swing a dead cat and NOT hit 40 rednecks in this place." This tip, while not very helpful, was extremely accurate. (Also, the use of the dead cat phrase brought to mind a scene from Night of Comet where one of the characters figures out everyone is dead or zombies when she sees her neighbor eating a cat. Yuck, but vivid.) The Kentucky accent is completely deplorable. I can totally say that since I am from the real Midwest and I have touches of the East from my parent's stringent pronunciation tutoring. I sound like newscasters want to sound, so I can make fun of that godawful twang. Seriously, I have less trouble understanding people who speak English as a second or third language than these people. But, gosh are they nice. SUPER nice.

So the last few days of training was swallowed whole by a baby and kids show, publishing live content with the help of exactly no one who was helpful and catching some kind of virus that made me think, yet again, that I was patient 1 and I was going to die like Kate Winslet in Contagion. The virus was not helped by the fact that the first night I was there I got mf-ing drunk on bourbon, which is the drink of choice in Louisville. Note to self: do not go glass for glass of bourbon/rocks with a women who is drinking white wine. You will want to die. So that did not assist my immune system, which was already taxed by a narsty sinus infection. Yuck, again.

So, when I returned to civilization, I ordered Thai food, bought Mucinex, got better and started my apocalypse training again. I have taken two yoga classes at my gym that are supposed to center me, making me not panic when attacked by apocalyptic-types. It also makes my butt and shoulders hurt, but that is because I am out of shape. I also started my running training, albeit slowly. A and I are taking our couples archery class this Friday! I am very excited. I watched the first two episodes of The Walking Dead and caught up on last season, which I didn't realize I needed to do until I realized several major characters were no longer with us. I started reading book two of the Passage trilogy by Justin Cronin and OMG is it good! I am so excited! I am thinking of rereading book one because forgot a lot of stuff that seems important now.

So though I haven't been with you, dear reader, I have been busy. More later in the week!

Part of the problem

Part of the problem with planning for an apocalypse you really aren't that worried about happening and, if it did happen, are fairly certain, due to location, age and other factors, you would not and would not want to survive should be obvious. I am not all hopped up about the apocalypse. I am not going to move to the Miller Compound (my friend's family's property in Michigan where there are lots of firearms, stored food and good old boys to keep me safe). I am going to stay right where I am in my happy, urban snug little apartment with my useless cats and very precarious situation if anything real should go down. I do have an ace in the hole, so to speak

My boyfriend. A and I have lived together for going on four years and have been dating for going on seven. He knows things. He and his family did a leave civilization and live off the land thing when he was a kid so he knows how to shoot, skin, repair, erect and other things that you end up learning the hard way when you have no electricity and no running water. He will help me in my quest. For example, yesterday I asked him where he thought I might learn how to pick a deadbolt and he said, "Why wouldn't you just break it down?" Good point! So, where can I learn and practice how to break in a secured door? Hmm, smarty?

But he knows about guns, woodsy stuff and isn't sentimental about animals, which, in the event of an actual apocalypse, will be useful. I am not squeamish at all, but I couldn't kill and eat animals that used to be house pets, especially not my own house pets. A would have no problem with that, if push came to shove.