Archery is fun!

Archery was just as fun as I had dreamed it would be! And more!

A and I attended our Couples Archery class on Friday night at the Archery Bow Range Chicago. (Do not be afraid of Humboldt Park. It is not as scary as you think it is.) We had a lovely little fight on the way there because I hate being late and he doesn't, among other topics of discord. But we made it. I have to say, it was the first date we have been on that we had to sign a waiver for. I will make a prediction: It won't be the last.

I am signing a waiver. #1rule: don't shoot anyone.

There were seven couples at the class. I was surprised at how popular it was! But never again will I underestimate the huge drawing power of archery. What I loved about it was there was very little verbal instruction. You just started shooting after about 2.3 minutes of explanation. The hardest thing was figuring out if you were righty or lefty. (Hint: it isn't about your hands! It is about your eyes.)

Both A and I are left. A is truly ambidextrous. His brain gets all confused about right/left stuff so it takes him a little longer to catch on. Here is a video of A shooting. We both did well but I have a little Katniss gene I think.

This was my 5th turn shooting. 

We both got HUGE archery hickey/bruises on our right inner arms from the string hitting. Mine isn't as bad as A's. He has sensitive skin.

Archery makes such a badass sound. THWACK when the arrow slams into the target. The soft whizzing of the arrows in the air. The group we were with was pretty quiet too. The lady standing next to me was having a little trouble and kept almost hitting me in the eye with her bow. The bows were cool. They were composite and A and I shared a yellow one, which made our transition each turn easier. We are totally signing up for the next level, which I believe is Adult Training (I should offer some marketing services in exchange for lessons. Bad name.) A had such a good time, he is totally on board with more archery and with going to a gun shooting range soon.

I don't think I can hit a squirrel through the eye yet, but I am well on my way to learning this important apocalypse skill.

B and E

I wanted to learn how to pick locks. It seemed like a good skills for the apocalypse. But then my imminently sensible boyfriend asked why I didn't just learn how to break down doors. This actually makes a lot more sense. I applaud this logic.

But before this break through, I was talking to my mom about the whole thing. She was a social worker for 40 years and she knows amazing things. Things that would blow your mind. So, when I told her I wanted to get some lock-picking tools, she told me that if you are stopped by the police in Illinois with tools for breaking and entering, they consider that probable cause (we aren't lawyers, don't over think it) and will arrest you. Wow! I had no idea. That seems very unfair, considering you can pick a lock (a bad lock) with a credit card. Being me, this really makes me want to get some lock-picking tools. I am not who the police are looking for. Ever. I could make a very convincing case for needing the tools for this blog. I really just don't like that I can't learn a skill and use my discretion in how to use it. Perhaps that seems naive. It does. I know. But knowing how to hot wire a car would be a great skill and I wouldn't use it to steal a car, but rather to save my life post-apocalypse. I am adding that skill to my list. I wonder if my mechanic would show me how? Hmmm....

Kentucky Apocalypsey Dream World

So a thing that happened last week is that I had to go to Louisville. Kentucky! For a week! It was exactly like it sounds: Apocalyptic.

Let me give you an example.

I do the Foursquare thing (don't judge me! I like social media.) and when I checked in at the convention center that would eat the next 120 hours of my life, the "tip" that showed up was, "Try to swing a dead cat and NOT hit 40 rednecks in this place." This tip, while not very helpful, was extremely accurate. (Also, the use of the dead cat phrase brought to mind a scene from Night of Comet where one of the characters figures out everyone is dead or zombies when she sees her neighbor eating a cat. Yuck, but vivid.) The Kentucky accent is completely deplorable. I can totally say that since I am from the real Midwest and I have touches of the East from my parent's stringent pronunciation tutoring. I sound like newscasters want to sound, so I can make fun of that godawful twang. Seriously, I have less trouble understanding people who speak English as a second or third language than these people. But, gosh are they nice. SUPER nice.

So the last few days of training was swallowed whole by a baby and kids show, publishing live content with the help of exactly no one who was helpful and catching some kind of virus that made me think, yet again, that I was patient 1 and I was going to die like Kate Winslet in Contagion. The virus was not helped by the fact that the first night I was there I got mf-ing drunk on bourbon, which is the drink of choice in Louisville. Note to self: do not go glass for glass of bourbon/rocks with a women who is drinking white wine. You will want to die. So that did not assist my immune system, which was already taxed by a narsty sinus infection. Yuck, again.

So, when I returned to civilization, I ordered Thai food, bought Mucinex, got better and started my apocalypse training again. I have taken two yoga classes at my gym that are supposed to center me, making me not panic when attacked by apocalyptic-types. It also makes my butt and shoulders hurt, but that is because I am out of shape. I also started my running training, albeit slowly. A and I are taking our couples archery class this Friday! I am very excited. I watched the first two episodes of The Walking Dead and caught up on last season, which I didn't realize I needed to do until I realized several major characters were no longer with us. I started reading book two of the Passage trilogy by Justin Cronin and OMG is it good! I am so excited! I am thinking of rereading book one because forgot a lot of stuff that seems important now.

So though I haven't been with you, dear reader, I have been busy. More later in the week!

Cabin in the Woods, Actually Apocalypse Movie!

I heart me some Joss Whedon. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of even thinking about the whole "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel" and "Firefly" apocalypse preparedness stuff. But I will! Don't worry. But, I am not a fan of horror movies (see sensitive viewer issues). Seriously, when I was a kid, a creepy episode of Scooby-Doo freaked me out and I didn't sleep for several days. I had to leave the theater and have hysterics in the bathroom when I saw Scream for the first time. No. Horror. Movies.

But, I love Joss, so the cunundrum of Cabin in the Woods presented itself. Joss Whedon = +. Horror movie= -. Supposed to be funny= +. Supposed to be scary= -. Chris Hemsworth= +, etc.

A compromise was struck between me and A, and we watched it on On Demand so I could get up and leave if I felt oogey. Totally unnecessary! Either I am not such a sensitive viewer anymore and the anti-anxiety meds are working, or it wasn't that scary. It was a little scary and smart and funny and Chris Hemsworth, etc. And, as a bonus, and hopefully not giving anything away, it is an apocalypse movie. Unfortunately it isn't the kind of apocalypse you can really prep for and A argues that it doesn't count anyway, but it is a theme that comes up in Whedon's work and I was happy to see the thread continuing. I guess it is mostly a zombie movie, but not really.  I recommend it! Go see it! We can discuss.

Here is what you can learn: be smart, cardio, follow your instincts

Here is a photo of Chris Hemsworth:

Archery! Hunger Games-Style Apocalypse

I have signed A and I up for Couples Archery at the Archery Bow Range Chicago. I am quite excited and looking forward to it. I remember hearing about the Hunger Games trilogy, and dismissing them as some Harry Potter knock-off. But, I downloaded a sample onto my Kindle, because I like to know what I am talking about, especially if I am putting it down. I don't think I slept for about a week and I devoured those books. Katniss is such a badass with her bow and she hunts and feeds her family and friends. I love the feminist implications of the books, where one boy and one girl are picked and it isn't always a boy who wins. It is the one who is awesomeist, and the most heartless, talented or possibly the most lucky. 

So learning how to shoot a bow and arrow is important to my apocalypse plan. I suppose that means someday I will have to go bow hunting, which is less exciting to me. Hunting in general sounds cold and boring and uncomfortable (three things I don't like) but a girl needs to do what she can to prepare for the apocalypse. The braid a la Katniss is a little much for me. It smacks of Lara Croft, who is also a badass, but some dude's version of a badass. Kthnxbai.

I am worried about the girls, yet again (there has been more worrying and thinking about my boobs than I thought there would be in apocalypse training) I have heard that whole thing, which I am sure you have heard too, that the Amazons used to cut off their breasts to be better archers. And my 40F's really could be a problem here. I am also sure A will be better at archery than I am. He is better at most things that take patience. 

Inspiration

Learning these skills was partly the inspiration of this episode of This American Life. I want to be a bad ass like the woman in the episode. Who wouldn't? I would also like to hang out with her. That actually seems more feasible.

Here is what you can learn: keep learning, skills can literally pay the bills, it is better to be tall.

Running Sux

I loathe running. I always have. During gym class I walked the Presidential Fitness Challenge mile while talking with my friends.

When I was on the crew team in college, I walked a lot of the running parts and sometimes, we would start a run, and I would just go home. True story. There were enough of us that it was hard to keep count, and I was always last anyway.

I quit my Boot Camp experience when it moved outside because I couldn't convince the instructor-dude that I didn't need to run to be in shape (true) and wouldn't (also true).  I have bad knees (two medial meniscus repairs on the left), a busted and repaired left Achilles, flat feet (thanks Dad!) and big boobs (40 F).

But one of my goals is to run a fast mile. Since losing 100 lbs., I have been attempting to do Couch to 5K (but I end up just doing the first two weeks over and over). So I won't be totally unused to running. I am going to try and run on my lunch breaks, since we have a gym in the building and I loathe my job (more than I loathe running). I have an excellent running bra, if anyone was worried about my 40F's. It is called the Last Resort Bra and I feel that it is appropriately apocalyptic. If the apocalypse strikes, I will put this bra on, and throw the extra in my bag.